Why Therapy Feels So Scary: Understanding the Fear and Knowing You’re Not Alone

Therapy can be an intimidating thought, right? - especially if you’ve spent years bottling up emotions. You might know, deep down, that reaching out for professional support could help. But the moment you picture sitting on a therapist’s couch and letting years of pent-up feelings out? Terrifying.

I see it happen all the time and I’ve been there myself - prior to training in counselling, I had a male counsellor on the NHS, after 1 session, I never returned. I now know it was all down to the whole “father wound” I had going on. That’s why when I did eventually decide to train, I purposely chose a male counsellor - don’t get me wrong, it was an interesting start to our relationship, but nonetheless, it was one worth pushing for.

The same goes for my social media profiles - they sometimes get thousands of views from what I started calling my “little ghosts”. They’re the ones quietly checking out my page, reading my posts, but never really engaging. It might sound odd to admit I notice this—almost like I’m stalking them—but it’s not about pinpointing individuals or invading anyone’s privacy (the latter is impossible, considering it’s all anonymous data). Rather, it helps me understand what resonates with people so I can plan future content when I have the time. If people keep coming back to particular posts, I want to know so I can create more of what’s genuinely helpful. And for these “little ghosts,” it can be comforting to know a resource is out there, ready and waiting for them whenever they feel safe enough to reach out.

Why Therapy Feels So Daunting

Many of us spend years coping with pain, grief, or trauma in silence. We bottle it up, push it down, and keep marching forward because… well, life doesn’t stop. Letting it all out in therapy can feel like opening a floodgate. There’s this fear that once you start, you’ll never stop crying—or you’ll have to face parts of yourself you’ve ignored for too long.

Key reasons therapy feels scary:

Fear of Being Overwhelmed: The idea of experiencing intense emotions all at once can be paralysing.

Fear of Judgment: Worrying what your therapist might think if you share your deepest secrets.

Fear of Change: Embracing growth means letting go of old coping mechanisms, even if they’re unhealthy.

Reflecting on What Therapy Might Look Like

If the idea of therapy feels too big to face, reflecting on what you want from the process can make it more approachable. Here are some of the questions I tend to ask when I meet with someone for an initial consultation - none of them are set in stone nor are they reflective of how they’ll be delivered. This is because naturally as humans we bounce off each other, so I’ll often lean into what feels authentic in the moment.

What’s been stopping you from reaching out for support until now?

Reflecting on this can help you identify fears or barriers you might need to address.

What do you hope to gain from therapy?

Is it clarity? Relief? A safe space to explore your emotions? Understanding your goals can give you direction.

If someone could take one emotional weight off your shoulders, what would it be? 

This question helps you pinpoint the areas in your life where you feel most burdened.

What’s the hardest thing for you to talk about—and why?

Naming your biggest fear or emotional block can help you prepare for what therapy might touch on.

What kind of relationship do you want with a therapist?

Do you want someone direct? Gentle? A mix of both? Understanding your needs can help you find the right match.

Reflecting on these questions won’t instantly take away the fear, but it can help you feel more grounded and in control about what therapy might involve and why it could be worth the challenge.

“Little Ghosts”: Watching, Reading… Waiting

I call the silent visitors to my social media “my little ghosts.” They pop up in analytics as views—sometimes thousands per month—but rarely comment or message me. It might seem odd for me to know this, like I’m stalking them, but in reality, these stats just let me see what topics people are drawn to. By noticing what resonates, I can better plan new content that I hope will meet people where they are.

Why do I welcome these little ghosts?

They’re Curious: They’re exploring the idea of therapy or emotional support, even if they’re not ready to act on it.

They’re Taking Their Time: Rushing into confronting your past can backfire if you’re not emotionally prepared.

They Know I’m Here: They’ve discovered a resource and can return when they feel safe to delve deeper.

If you’re one of these ghosts—hovering on the edge of seeking help—you’re not alone. It’s perfectly normal to need time to build trust in yourself, in the process, and in a potential therapist before making the leap.

The Relief and Terror of Opening Up

Burying emotions might feel secure in the short term, but it creates an emotional backlog that weighs you down. Once you open up, you may experience the relief of unburdening yourself—but it can also be scary to relinquish the familiar “numbness” or false sense of control.

The duality of therapy:

Relief: Realising you don’t have to carry everything alone can feel liberating.

Fear: Confronting painful memories or vulnerabilities can make you feel exposed.

Taking Baby Steps

If the idea of booking a therapy session makes your stomach turn, that’s okay. You don’t have to jump into the deep end right away.

Explore Content: Watch therapists on social media, read blogs, or listen to podcasts (yes, lurking is allowed).

Ask for Recommendations: If you have friends who’ve been in therapy, ask them about their experiences.

Test the Waters: Many therapists offer initial consultations—this can range from a brief chat to a one off session to see if you’re a good fit. I offer the latter, so if therapy with me, is something you’d like to explore, then you can find all the relevant info here.

Remember, even signing up for a newsletter or following a therapist’s page can be a gentle first step toward healing.

Acknowledging the Courage It Takes

It’s easy to underestimate the bravery required to say, “I need help.” In a world that often glorifies self-reliance, admitting you can’t do it all on your own can feel uncomfortable or shameful. But here’s the truth: seeking help is an act of courage. Therapy can be reframed as:

Strength, Not Weakness: Therapy is about growth, not about highlighting failures.

Empowerment: Gaining tools to handle life’s challenges puts you in control, instead of your past experiences controlling you.

Even I, as a therapist, struggle to talk about how therapy can help someone - purely because it’s so ingrained in me to talk about how I feel and know when to seek help. So much so, I forget that not everyone thinks or even feels this way - and that’s okay - not everyone wants/needs therapy as it’s ultimately down to personal choice. I could go into how everybody can benefit from therapy in some form or another but I think that’s a topic for another day.

When You’re Ready (Or Even If You’re Not Sure Yet)

Sometimes, therapy becomes necessary when life’s stressors pile too high or old wounds start influencing current relationships. Other times, you might just have a persistent nudge that it’s time to talk to someone. Either way, there’s no perfect moment to begin.

Trust Your Gut: If you feel that nudge, honour it.

Allow Ambivalence: It’s normal to be both curious and hesitant.

Reach Out Slowly: A single email or message to a potential therapist can be the gentle push you need.

You’re Not Alone—Even in the Silence

If you’re ghosting quietly in the background—hovering over “Contact Me” forms or reading mental health content daily—know that I see you. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’re not ready, and you don’t have to force yourself to move faster than you can handle.

But also remember: you’re not alone in your fear. Therapists understand that letting years of pent-up emotion flow is no small task. We’re here to hold space for you, at your own pace, whether you’re ready to dive in or just peeking around the corner.

Conclusion: Facing the Fear, One Step at a Time

Therapy can be terrifying—it means confronting parts of yourself you’ve worked hard to keep hidden. If you’re not quite there yet, that’s okay. Watching from the sidelines, reading posts, and acknowledging your curiosity can be seen as a first step - no matter how long the second step takes.

So to all my little ghosts: linger as long as you need. Lurk, read, watch—do whatever feels safest. The day you decide to reach out, I’ll be here—ready to walk alongside you into whatever journey unfolds. Until then, know you’re seen, even in your silence, and that healing doesn’t have a deadline. Your truth will be waiting whenever you’re ready to speak it.